Just My Pointless Ramblings

I wanted you to be proud of me, I wanted you to smile, I wanted to be the reason for that smile. So, I burnt myself, I burned myself little by little.   And when I got to the destination you wanted me to get to, you looked at me from the side-lines, eyes full of happiness, smiling. Yes, you were proud. Proud of me. I made you smile. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted to repay all your sacrifices by making you happy. The ones you told me that you did for me. Sometimes I wonder... did you not do it out of choice? If it was by choice, then how was it a sacrifice? Didn't you derive happiness from playing with me, from having me by your side? I thought my happiness lay in your happiness, but… then…th-e-en… when you are happy, why am I not? Why don’t I feel happy? I felt it when I saw you smile, but then it faded away after that…why did it fade away so soon? I spent five years...for what...for just for a moment? I wanted it to last… five years. I feel cheated. Cheated out o...

  I am living on borrowed time, And as I lay on my bed, I wonder if life and death are pre-decided, Am I destined to die today? Or am I destined to die tomorrow? Has my number come yet? Or do I get to live on? I am glad it was me, It was me rather than my loved ones, Because if I had to watch the light go out of my life, I hope it would rather be mine, Because I can’t watch the light go out of my life, And live with it. I can’t watch the flames of the pyre, And then go back to live. I don’t have that strength, I don’t have that courage, I am selfish with my sorrow, I would prefer to set myself alight, Rather than watch my loved one being set alight, Because I can’t keep living, Not after the person who made me whole, Left me broken again, Time heals scars, Cliched but true, I wonder how long will I have to wait? As my world comes crashing down.   I pray for strength and fortitude, For the ones who might have to live...

         They say, work without expectation of the reward, Accept the circumstances as it is, However, would you do the work for which you never got any recognition?   Or would you leave it?   Or would you struggle with it till the very end?   Would you accept that it won’t work out, but do it anyway?   Or would you just do it, because it makes you happy?   Reward is what motivates a human,   That is the brain’s default wiring,   How can you expect one to go on without the carrot?   How to be okay if it doesn’t work out?   Will you walk on path if you knew the end was bad?   Accept the struggle, but struggle anyway?   Acceptance sounds sweet, but is in fact a bitter drink,   The questions are many, and the answer is blurry,   For until you walk on the path,   The answer is never clear,   For we are bad judges of what will make us happy,   It is only w...