A Dream For Everyone
The clueless
“You should have a dream in life! A goal in life! A passion in Life! Something that drives you from within, something which makes you get out of your bed in the morning! The fire of passion! You spend 1/3 of your life working and if you do something you love, you will never work a day in your life! You will enjoy life!!”
The speaker was good. Truly a motivational speaker, Tarun thought as he glanced around, noticing how the youngsters cheered on, gripping on to each and every word of his. He sighed, but he had no idea what he wanted to do in his life! He had no dream, no goal, sure he had hobbies, he liked painting, collecting stamps, reading books, he loved doing all of them! The speaker was going on and on about how to find your inner calling, yes, he was in a flow state when he painted, but he was nowhere near that amazing that he could turn it into his career. He was just average. It seemed like apparently everyone had figured out what they wanted to do in life, except him! He just wanted a simple life, live peacefully, work, and have a family. Nothing luxurious, nothing fancy.
The speaker had now started calling out to the crowd.
“OK, EVERYONE!! FROM THE BACK ROW, LEFTHAND SIDE, GET UP AND STATE YOUR DREAM.”
The crowd cheered; the auditorium was on a dopamine high.
Tarun’s mind started spinning as people started yelling out their dreams.
“Dancer!”
“Businessman!”
“I want to become a billionaire!” Some people snorted at that.
“Painter!”
“Doctor!”
“To join the army!”
A string of “Wow’s” and claps followed that one!
“Scientist!”
“To make my parents proud!” Another round of applause.
“To open an NGO for poor people!”
“Teacher!”
“Singer!”
“Author!”
And it went on and on.
2 rows done, 24 more rows to go. Tarun zoned out, what was his dream? He was in his 10th-grade vacations attending seminars to find out his dreams, his parents weren’t like his friend's parents who wanted them to do engineering or medicine, they had, in fact, told him that whatever was his dream, they will support it! So, he told them, he had no clue, and from there, his parents had pushed him to go to seminars, do workshops, so that he could find what he loved to do and find his dream. They told him it was okay. But it wasn’t, it sucked a lot to not know your dream. The problem was he liked a lot of stuff. He was sure of one thing; I cannot do one thing my entire life. What if I get bored of it eventually? Say, after 10 years, what if I don’t want to do it anymore? What happens if your mood shifts? And yet here he was being told to do one thing. Make one thing his entire life. He wanted a simple life, earn some money, go to the hills, and live a stress-free. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stand up and yell, “To live a simple life is my dream” that didn’t sound like a dream at all. He was ambitious, but not overly ambitious.
Suddenly, someone nudged him, he looked at the boy sitting next to him, “Your turn” he mouthed. “Oh, Shit!”, Tarun thought, “I zoned out for too long, well the speaker had told us to be true to ourselves, so here goes nothing.”
“To live a simple and happy life…”
The silence was awkward.
The speaker gave him a look and simply said, “No matter how small a dream is, it is still a dream.”
Tarun thought he might say something more, but he simply gave him an all-knowing smile and yelled out,
“Next one, what is your dream?”
That day Tarun took home a message, “No matter how small a dream is, it is still a dream. Don’t let people judge your dream.”
The social inequality
The day had been hard, her body ached. Her mother was down with a fever, so she had to go to the madam’s house and replace her mother for the day and then come home and cook and then study. It was difficult, money had been difficult and dreams were even more difficult. She stared at her accountancy book. She hated the sight of it. If it was up to her, she would have preferred to become a doctor. However, fate had different plans for her as she was poor. Dreams are only for the rich, the poor can only dream about having dreams. But this course was a blessing as it was cheap. Her father’s friend has suggested it to her.
“Chartered Accountancy is the cheapest course,” Uncle had explained when he had come over to her house, a week after 10th results, “It is difficult, but a smart girl like you who got 90% can do it easily!
Her father beamed at those words.
“Take commerce, do CA, it is very affordable and once you become a CA, you will earn a lot of money and respect in society! See, dear, scholarship and all is ok, but you know how government systems work, even if you get a medical seat, it is so expensive. Even with scholarships and everything, it will still cost you in lakhs! Your parents will not be able to afford it, they also have to think about your younger brother and sister. They are in school now. They have to bear their expenses too! If you want you can talk to my Son! He can explain this course better, he is also a CA and because he became a CA, we could buy a flat it the opposite building, instead of living in these slums! God bless our good fortune!”
“Yes, Yes!”, her father nodded in agreement, “Go talk to Aman bhaiya!”
And thus, the meeting had been set up. She had seen Aman bhaiya before, but the day she had gone to meet him, he looked different. Money changes people, she had heard, but today she knew it was true.
“So, my father told me you were thinking about doing CA, right?”
“Umm, yeah.”
There was silence.
“Umm…why did you do CA?”
“See, I will be honest with you, I wanted to become something in life, earn a lot of money, get my family out of poverty. So, it was either engineering or CA. But, you know, the engineers weren’t doing that well, so I thought CA it is and trust me it is worth it. If you work hard then this course will open many doors for you, but yes, it tests you. It is the second most difficult course, but the rewards are good. You will not regret it.”
“I have heard CA is very difficult, if you fail a lot and take a lot of attempts, then you will not get a good salary and it will take up a lot of time too. People keep doing CA until 25 to 30 years also!”
“See, you know the first basic need is to live a happy comfortable life! Dreams, passion and all is bullshit. Money and hard work are the real deal. I had a friend in my class whose father was a CA and he took CA because he was interested in it right from the time he was a child!”
“So, he became a CA?”
“CA? He didn’t even clear IPCC! He failed the first time and didn’t even give an attempt! He just gave up! See, I will tell you again, passion and all is bullshit. Even if you don’t like and if you still work hard and do it na, you will clear. I cleared. I didn’t have facilities; my only aim was money and the welfare of my family! Passion doesn’t matter, how hard you are willing to work determines success. You don’t have to like something to do it, you just have to work hard, suck it up and do it.”
And that was the day, she had signed up for this course. Initially, it had been interesting, but now it had become boring, the subject didn’t interest her, but the money, the respect and the promise of a better future for her family made it worth putting in all the effort. After all, the opposite building had nice houses. And maybe then she can also buy expensive clothes like she had seen Aman Bhaiya wearing the other day. Only the rich can afford dreams, the poor had to afford food first.
The realistic option
“Ok, let us be realistic, ok? Explain to me, how do you even plan to make film-making your career? Huh? Who will feed you? I won’t be there around always!! How will pay your bills?”
“Yah! Be gentle with him, you are supposed to make him understand!!”
“How am I supposed to make this Idiot understand, all your motherly love has spoilt him! Look here, NOW, for every successful producer, there are 1000’s of failed producers who did not make it, who went bankrupt, not everyone is a success!”
“But Papa, I am good at it, my short film even won the first prize!!”
“First or last…I don’t…”
“Oh dear!! You stop yelling!! Baby…look at Mumma!” She said, gently making him sit in front of her, holding his hands in her, she started,
“See…when I was your age, even I wanted to do arts, study philosophy, I liked it, but philosophy does not pay, I listened to my parents and took commerce and did an MBA and because of that today I and your father can afford your expensive clothes and even your expensive camera and all this is because we chose to do practical things. We took up a career that pays money so that we can live comfortably, afford your iPhone, etc. If I had done philosophy, then I would have become a teacher and I doubt I would be able to afford your expensive camera with which you made that film!”
“Do you understand what your mother said?”, His father sighed, “We also have sacrificed a lot, life is miserable and realistic, it is not like in the movies…real life is hard. There are EMI’s, children’s education, medical expenses, retirement planning, etc. Your mother and I are very successful in our careers and you too should choose a realistic career like us.”
There wasn’t any point anyway. How do you fight out and reason with life? Life was realistic and hard. He knew his father’s rags to riches stories. His world was practical. He knew he couldn’t judge him or debate with him on that. And it wasn’t like he was going to give up what he liked doing. He could do it side by side. Make it his side hustle, until it was big enough for him to pursue it fully.
Taking calculated risks is what he had been taught.
“Yes, Papa and Mumma. I understand and I will do what you suggest.”
“Ah, there is my smart baby!! I always knew my boy was smart!! See, honey, if you tell kids gently, they will also understand!! You didn’t have to yell and scare him!!”
“Okay, okay!! I am sorry, how about we all go for an ice-cream and put this behind us? And while we are having ice-cream, we can discuss from which college you should get your economics degree from!”
The unpopular view
“Wow! You dance so well! Like amazingly well!”
“Thanks.”
“Oh, come on! Don’t blush like that, I am genuinely complimenting you.”
“Yes, I know, acha, chalo, now I will end the class here only, I have to work on an office project now.”
“But, today is Saturday.”
“Yes, I know, but I have to work”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“You know you can make dance your full-time career, right? You have so many students who come to you to learn this! And you are so good at it! You don’t have to die in your 9 to 5 anymore. I know you don’t like coding that much.”
“Yea, I know, but I believe in keeping hobbies and work separate.”
“What? All the people in this world are dying to make their hobbies their work and why are you saying such bullshit. You don’t have to work a day if you make your hobby your work.”
“Yaa, see you don’t get it…I believe if I start teaching dance to earn money and make it my main source of income, then it will become a job, something which I have to do to pay my bills, then it won’t be fun anymore. It is something I have to get up and do, even if I don’t feel like it.”
“That is a weird concept.”
“That is my concept.”
“It is super-duper weird and does not make sense at all.”
“See, this is how I unwind, if I start dance classes, then how will I unwind after dance classes?”
“Simple, treat yourself to a spa-date…Oh, come on, stop scowling at me.”
“Why don’t you leave me alone, I like dancing as my hobby, if it becomes work, then I won’t be motivated at all to do it. See, let me tell you something, I had gone to book club once, and there was an author there, he was quite famous and he literally said that even if you like something and it is your job, you are passionate, there will be days, where you won’t feel like getting up and doing it, even though you get paid for it. He said people come to me all the time and say I enjoy writing and I am like it is so hard to write even a page. There is a difference when you do something for fun and you do something for work. No one likes to work, if you tell people you will get a free salary, then no one will work, even if they love doing it, they will stay at home and laze around.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Well, then your opinion is yours, my opinion is mine.”
“I think we have become very capitalistic in our thinking; everything has to be productive and should be done for something. Let us just do somethings for fun. You don’t have to make everything your side hustle”
“Okay, Okay, fine.”
“No, No, let us talk about it, how can you be so judgmental when you yourself sold your dreams.”
“Err, what?”
“You sold your dreams.”
“I didn’t sell my dreams.”
“You did.”
“When did I do that?”
“Didn’t you want to be a veterinarian?”
“Oh, that, I was supposed to take over my dad’s business, I am the only child.”
“So?”
“Well, I negotiated it with him, he promised to buy me a pet dog, a cat and a parrot in return.”
“So your dream had a price.”
“My parents wanted me to get a business degree, they wouldn’t let me do veterinary science.”
“Hence, you put a price.”
“It was the best deal I would get, my parents are rich, they can afford it, it was just the way it was. They wanted me to get a business degree otherwise they would have hated me. They would have never funded my veterinarian degree, so it was the only option. You have an opportunity to pursue the thing you love, I wasn’t lucky. That is why I envy you. And to answer your question, yes, all our dreams have a price, a price you have to pay either to achieve them or to give them up.”
“They do, right...I am sorry if I hurt you, I didn’t mean to be harsh with my questions.”
“No, no, it is okay, I shouldn’t have pushed you too. Keep work and hobbies separate. It is in a way good only. After all who am I to judge? To each his own.”
“Yeah, to each his own. Who are we to belittle others, their dreams, their struggles, we don’t even know the turmoils of their minds.”
“You can also try your hand at poetry, I think you have a flair for that.”
“Oh, come on, dance is enough for me, now off you go, let me get back to my office project!”
The convincing power
“Oh, this is an interesting take!”, She thought, “The third topic hits close to heart, I will write a hell of a piece on it”
The creative writing competition of the college youth festival always had interesting story/poetry plot ideas. The best piece won the prize and was published in the yearbook. Hers had been published last year.
Scrawled on the blackboard were the instructions and the three topics.
"Be the next Rowling or the next Dickinson – write your prose or poetry, a haiku or a terribly tiny tale, prose-poetry or a script, just let that creativity out of the following topics:
1. Meeting God and discussing the pandemic.
2. Colonizing Mars and meeting alien life.
3. The mind versus the Brain.
4. Your choice, being born as a peasant or an aristocrat in France."
“Third one it is, in prose-poetry style” and with that thought, she started writing.
The heart wants what it wants.
It doesn’t like reasoning. It just keeps reminding,
until you shush it and tell it to focus.
Then it quiets down and in your most unsuspecting moments,
It screams, yet again, however a little subdued this time,
I don’t even want to do this…I want to...
But then the mind jumps in, with its damage control charade,
Why am I thinking about this again?
The mind reasons and cajoles
This is what I am supposed to do
This is what I am good at
This is what pays
This is what earns respect
This is what earns the approval of your loved ones
But the heart wants what it wants
So it battles,
This is what I love
This is what I want to do
This is what drives me
This is what matters to me,
I tried to think I like other things but this is what I want
Oh please, the mind sneers, that is what you think
If you wanted to do it that much,
Then why did you watch that TV series last night?
Shouldn’t you be honing your craft?
You are lazy, you are looking for excuses, to procrastinate
You are a coward, why didn’t you stand up for yourself earlier
The heart hurt from the sharp words,
Tries to come back with a retort
I agree and accept, I haven’t been perfect,
I thought I will convince myself,
Alas, I have been wrong,
Maybe I listened to you too much about what is what and the ways of the world
Maybe I should have done this and that
Maybe I should not have done this and that
But what is done is done and even if I fail, I want to try it just once
I have worried a lot about judgment,
Maybe I am a coward
But I am what I am and I want what I want
The world and its ways are strange
They tell you to dream and then when you do,
They clarify what your dream should be
I would rather try and fail, then to never have given myself a chance
Even if it hurts a lot
I accept and forgive myself for the past
And I stand up for myself now
The mind aches and growls,
All those are lofty words
Life is realistic and practical
Come out of your disillusioned world
The heart pumps harder and gripes,
That is because you think so
Change your thoughts and you change your world
If you believe life is magical, so will it be
If you gave your dreams a chance, only then someone else will
Instead of being my enemy, be my friend
Instead of believing why it will not work, believe it will
And who knows maybe it will all work out!
Why is this so hard, the mind wonders,
The last time, the heart agreed that this is what it is supposed to do
It didn’t put up a fight
Should I just agree, for this one time?
See what happens?
It sounds so convincing…
What am I even thinking, the mind snaps back alarmed,
The human tosses and turns, it is three a.m.
The internal conflict is like a never-ending chatter,
Maybe it is true, we have to battle our inner demons first,
Before anything else, convince ourselves first,
For we have the power over ourselves,
To be our own best friends and our own worst enemies,
Only if we want to be,
Nonetheless, we should give our hearts a chance,
Because for the monkey mind there is meditation,
As for the heart, it just keeps beating on,
And only if you pause for a moment and listen closely,
You can hear it.
That year her piece didn’t get to see the yearbook. Nevertheless, the whole experience had been cathartic.
The gifted one
“Your child is exceptionally brilliant Mrs. Subramaniam. An IQ of 150, he is so smart, I am glad you agreed to this test”
Mrs. Subramaniam couldn’t wait to tell her husband as she clasped the hand of her 8-year-old son. A prodigy. The Lord had truly blessed her with an exceptional child! She knew her child was smart, she wasn’t dumb. He had shown signs of brilliance from an early age, always ahead in math and science from his peers. A little had been her part too, by telling wonderful stories about science and math had been her way of getting the boy interested in those subjects. Her husband and her, both exceptional scientists, had ensured that they keep the boy interested with stories of men and women in science in order to cultivate his interest right from the very beginning. And it had worked. He used to be fascinated by science, always curious, breaking things apart to know how it worked.
The dinner was a pompous affair that night.
Anirudh didn’t even know what was so great. All he had given was a test.
But he was happy when his father and mother cooed over him and gave him ice-cream. They were his world after all.
All was well until he was 10. He already was 2 grades above his peers due to his exceptional intelligence. His parents had been busy a little nowadays. Therefore, he kept himself busy in books. The library was a great place, his parents had brought him a subscription when he was 3. Today he was visiting all alone. Mostly his mother accompanied him.
“Oh, hello there cutie, how can I help you?” A new voice startled him out of his thoughts.
“Hi,” he said shyly, glancing up at the brunette, “Where is Miss. Ama, the librarian?”, He asked.
“Oh dear, she is on a leave, so I am the one in charge now, how about I show you a couple of books for your age, what genre do you prefer?”
“Err, my mom mostly picks science books and encyclopedias for me.”
“Oh, how about I pick something different for you, here, read this.” The brunette said handing him a book.
“The hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy?”
“Yeah, it’s a sci-fi novel.”
“Ok…I will read and it.”
And oh boy, he did read that and many more. Fate works in mysterious ways, a moment, a magical moment, a chance meeting, a gut feeling, which changes the course of your future. From there it was no going back, sci-fi was just the start. He read everything, a brilliant mind as his could finish a book in mere hours and he spent all his time reading or you could say devouring fiction.
By the time high school got over, Anirudh had read everything. His reading list was legit impressive. He read everyone from Ray Bradbury to Murakami, from Shakespeare to Rowling, from Herman Hesse to Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
When college time came hopping in through the door, with good grades, an analytical mind, a flair for science, the natural choice was taking up STEM-based courses. Anything less than that would be an insult to his IQ of 150 that he was blessed with. His teachers always felt that the boy would go on to invent or discover something, after all his parents were also exceptional scientists, even though they were immigrants. Smart people were always welcome.
Naturally, everyone was in for a shock when Anirudh decided to put an application for literature and psychology.
His parents were befuddled. His teachers were bewildered.
The dinner was a quiet affair that night.
Anirudh didn’t even know what he had done wrong. All he had done was announce that he wanted to pursue literature and psychology.
Mrs. Subramaniam was inconsolable. Somewhere she knew she was being irrational, but she couldn’t help it. Her only son. The apple of her eyes. For whom she had done everything. Showered him with all her love. She had even read parenting books before he was born, to be the perfect parent. She had always encouraged him. That was what the parenting books had told her to do. Encourage your kid's interests, tell them that you love them, and approve of them no matter what they do. Make them comfortable around you. All children all full of confidence, talent, and brilliance. It is the adults who break them, instill small self-doubts which ebbs away their carefree attitude, their positive personalities and clouds their view of the world. The self-doubt makes them hunger for approval.
Mrs. Subramaniam had made up her mind. She was going to support her child. She wasn’t sure how or what to do. But she wouldn’t break him by her disapproval. Truly unscathed are the children whose parents love and support them no matter what.
And she had been true to her words.
The valedictorian’s speech crediting his mother for his Ph.D. had proved it.
The self-belief
The office was empty. In the lone corner cubicle, a silhouette was spotted, the dim LED light just added to the aura. The corner cubicle symbolized achievement. In an open office culture, a corner cubicle meant you were either good enough or you were at a higher designation. Media companies had their weird ways of rewarding their employees.
Inspiration was easy to come by in the corner cubicle always. But inspiration eluded her today. Her ideas had always been applauded causing her to rise steadily through the ranks. She had been the best until the new guy arrived. He seemed to be better than her in almost everything. How do you deal with that now? In media, the most creative got the promotion and the corner cubicle. She obviously had to be the best.
“Not leaving?” A baritone voice startled her out of her thoughts.
She turned behind. Her mortal enemy. She put on a fake smile.
“Just leaving in 10 minutes.”
“Ok, I just wanted to let you know that I saw your advertising work on that FMCG company, you are quite good you know.”
“What?” She was startled. The new guy thinks she is better. He must be legit crazy.
“I said your ideas are quite good.”
“Umm, yeah, thanks,” and out of common courtesy she tacked on, “your work is also amazing, I have gone through it, your jingles are visuals are top-notch.”
“Thanks bro!”, he grinned.
“No problem.”
“Ok, see you later, I am going home.”
“Yeah, have a great night!”
Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all, she thought. Maybe everyone feels at some point that they are not good enough. It is like that in creative fields. But the point is just because Leonardo Da Vinci was amazing, it doesn’t mean that the other painters after him were like we cannot compete with this guy, so let us just give up already. I am great at what I do, yeah, that is what I should tell myself. One thing doesn’t work out and I go all out berating myself. I should be more positive in life. She smiled to herself, maybe it wasn’t a bad day after all.
Besides he had a cute smile.
A little self-belief does go a long way in the dream world.
“You should have a dream in life! A goal in life! A passion in Life! Something that drives you from within, something which makes you get out of your bed in the morning! The fire of passion! You spend 1/3 of your life working and if you do something you love, you will never work a day in your life! You will enjoy life!!”
The speaker was good. Truly a motivational speaker, Tarun thought as he glanced around, noticing how the youngsters cheered on, gripping on to each and every word of his. He sighed, but he had no idea what he wanted to do in his life! He had no dream, no goal, sure he had hobbies, he liked painting, collecting stamps, reading books, he loved doing all of them! The speaker was going on and on about how to find your inner calling, yes, he was in a flow state when he painted, but he was nowhere near that amazing that he could turn it into his career. He was just average. It seemed like apparently everyone had figured out what they wanted to do in life, except him! He just wanted a simple life, live peacefully, work, and have a family. Nothing luxurious, nothing fancy.
The speaker had now started calling out to the crowd.
“OK, EVERYONE!! FROM THE BACK ROW, LEFTHAND SIDE, GET UP AND STATE YOUR DREAM.”
The crowd cheered; the auditorium was on a dopamine high.
Tarun’s mind started spinning as people started yelling out their dreams.
“Dancer!”
“Businessman!”
“I want to become a billionaire!” Some people snorted at that.
“Painter!”
“Doctor!”
“To join the army!”
A string of “Wow’s” and claps followed that one!
“Scientist!”
“To make my parents proud!” Another round of applause.
“To open an NGO for poor people!”
“Teacher!”
“Singer!”
“Author!”
And it went on and on.
2 rows done, 24 more rows to go. Tarun zoned out, what was his dream? He was in his 10th-grade vacations attending seminars to find out his dreams, his parents weren’t like his friend's parents who wanted them to do engineering or medicine, they had, in fact, told him that whatever was his dream, they will support it! So, he told them, he had no clue, and from there, his parents had pushed him to go to seminars, do workshops, so that he could find what he loved to do and find his dream. They told him it was okay. But it wasn’t, it sucked a lot to not know your dream. The problem was he liked a lot of stuff. He was sure of one thing; I cannot do one thing my entire life. What if I get bored of it eventually? Say, after 10 years, what if I don’t want to do it anymore? What happens if your mood shifts? And yet here he was being told to do one thing. Make one thing his entire life. He wanted a simple life, earn some money, go to the hills, and live a stress-free. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stand up and yell, “To live a simple life is my dream” that didn’t sound like a dream at all. He was ambitious, but not overly ambitious.
Suddenly, someone nudged him, he looked at the boy sitting next to him, “Your turn” he mouthed. “Oh, Shit!”, Tarun thought, “I zoned out for too long, well the speaker had told us to be true to ourselves, so here goes nothing.”
“To live a simple and happy life…”
The silence was awkward.
The speaker gave him a look and simply said, “No matter how small a dream is, it is still a dream.”
Tarun thought he might say something more, but he simply gave him an all-knowing smile and yelled out,
“Next one, what is your dream?”
That day Tarun took home a message, “No matter how small a dream is, it is still a dream. Don’t let people judge your dream.”
The social inequality
The day had been hard, her body ached. Her mother was down with a fever, so she had to go to the madam’s house and replace her mother for the day and then come home and cook and then study. It was difficult, money had been difficult and dreams were even more difficult. She stared at her accountancy book. She hated the sight of it. If it was up to her, she would have preferred to become a doctor. However, fate had different plans for her as she was poor. Dreams are only for the rich, the poor can only dream about having dreams. But this course was a blessing as it was cheap. Her father’s friend has suggested it to her.
“Chartered Accountancy is the cheapest course,” Uncle had explained when he had come over to her house, a week after 10th results, “It is difficult, but a smart girl like you who got 90% can do it easily!
Her father beamed at those words.
“Take commerce, do CA, it is very affordable and once you become a CA, you will earn a lot of money and respect in society! See, dear, scholarship and all is ok, but you know how government systems work, even if you get a medical seat, it is so expensive. Even with scholarships and everything, it will still cost you in lakhs! Your parents will not be able to afford it, they also have to think about your younger brother and sister. They are in school now. They have to bear their expenses too! If you want you can talk to my Son! He can explain this course better, he is also a CA and because he became a CA, we could buy a flat it the opposite building, instead of living in these slums! God bless our good fortune!”
“Yes, Yes!”, her father nodded in agreement, “Go talk to Aman bhaiya!”
And thus, the meeting had been set up. She had seen Aman bhaiya before, but the day she had gone to meet him, he looked different. Money changes people, she had heard, but today she knew it was true.
“So, my father told me you were thinking about doing CA, right?”
“Umm, yeah.”
There was silence.
“Umm…why did you do CA?”
“See, I will be honest with you, I wanted to become something in life, earn a lot of money, get my family out of poverty. So, it was either engineering or CA. But, you know, the engineers weren’t doing that well, so I thought CA it is and trust me it is worth it. If you work hard then this course will open many doors for you, but yes, it tests you. It is the second most difficult course, but the rewards are good. You will not regret it.”
“I have heard CA is very difficult, if you fail a lot and take a lot of attempts, then you will not get a good salary and it will take up a lot of time too. People keep doing CA until 25 to 30 years also!”
“See, you know the first basic need is to live a happy comfortable life! Dreams, passion and all is bullshit. Money and hard work are the real deal. I had a friend in my class whose father was a CA and he took CA because he was interested in it right from the time he was a child!”
“So, he became a CA?”
“CA? He didn’t even clear IPCC! He failed the first time and didn’t even give an attempt! He just gave up! See, I will tell you again, passion and all is bullshit. Even if you don’t like and if you still work hard and do it na, you will clear. I cleared. I didn’t have facilities; my only aim was money and the welfare of my family! Passion doesn’t matter, how hard you are willing to work determines success. You don’t have to like something to do it, you just have to work hard, suck it up and do it.”
And that was the day, she had signed up for this course. Initially, it had been interesting, but now it had become boring, the subject didn’t interest her, but the money, the respect and the promise of a better future for her family made it worth putting in all the effort. After all, the opposite building had nice houses. And maybe then she can also buy expensive clothes like she had seen Aman Bhaiya wearing the other day. Only the rich can afford dreams, the poor had to afford food first.
The realistic option
“Ok, let us be realistic, ok? Explain to me, how do you even plan to make film-making your career? Huh? Who will feed you? I won’t be there around always!! How will pay your bills?”
“Yah! Be gentle with him, you are supposed to make him understand!!”
“How am I supposed to make this Idiot understand, all your motherly love has spoilt him! Look here, NOW, for every successful producer, there are 1000’s of failed producers who did not make it, who went bankrupt, not everyone is a success!”
“But Papa, I am good at it, my short film even won the first prize!!”
“First or last…I don’t…”
“Oh dear!! You stop yelling!! Baby…look at Mumma!” She said, gently making him sit in front of her, holding his hands in her, she started,
“See…when I was your age, even I wanted to do arts, study philosophy, I liked it, but philosophy does not pay, I listened to my parents and took commerce and did an MBA and because of that today I and your father can afford your expensive clothes and even your expensive camera and all this is because we chose to do practical things. We took up a career that pays money so that we can live comfortably, afford your iPhone, etc. If I had done philosophy, then I would have become a teacher and I doubt I would be able to afford your expensive camera with which you made that film!”
“Do you understand what your mother said?”, His father sighed, “We also have sacrificed a lot, life is miserable and realistic, it is not like in the movies…real life is hard. There are EMI’s, children’s education, medical expenses, retirement planning, etc. Your mother and I are very successful in our careers and you too should choose a realistic career like us.”
There wasn’t any point anyway. How do you fight out and reason with life? Life was realistic and hard. He knew his father’s rags to riches stories. His world was practical. He knew he couldn’t judge him or debate with him on that. And it wasn’t like he was going to give up what he liked doing. He could do it side by side. Make it his side hustle, until it was big enough for him to pursue it fully.
Taking calculated risks is what he had been taught.
“Yes, Papa and Mumma. I understand and I will do what you suggest.”
“Ah, there is my smart baby!! I always knew my boy was smart!! See, honey, if you tell kids gently, they will also understand!! You didn’t have to yell and scare him!!”
“Okay, okay!! I am sorry, how about we all go for an ice-cream and put this behind us? And while we are having ice-cream, we can discuss from which college you should get your economics degree from!”
The unpopular view
“Wow! You dance so well! Like amazingly well!”
“Thanks.”
“Oh, come on! Don’t blush like that, I am genuinely complimenting you.”
“Yes, I know, acha, chalo, now I will end the class here only, I have to work on an office project now.”
“But, today is Saturday.”
“Yes, I know, but I have to work”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“You know you can make dance your full-time career, right? You have so many students who come to you to learn this! And you are so good at it! You don’t have to die in your 9 to 5 anymore. I know you don’t like coding that much.”
“Yea, I know, but I believe in keeping hobbies and work separate.”
“What? All the people in this world are dying to make their hobbies their work and why are you saying such bullshit. You don’t have to work a day if you make your hobby your work.”
“Yaa, see you don’t get it…I believe if I start teaching dance to earn money and make it my main source of income, then it will become a job, something which I have to do to pay my bills, then it won’t be fun anymore. It is something I have to get up and do, even if I don’t feel like it.”
“That is a weird concept.”
“That is my concept.”
“It is super-duper weird and does not make sense at all.”
“See, this is how I unwind, if I start dance classes, then how will I unwind after dance classes?”
“Simple, treat yourself to a spa-date…Oh, come on, stop scowling at me.”
“Why don’t you leave me alone, I like dancing as my hobby, if it becomes work, then I won’t be motivated at all to do it. See, let me tell you something, I had gone to book club once, and there was an author there, he was quite famous and he literally said that even if you like something and it is your job, you are passionate, there will be days, where you won’t feel like getting up and doing it, even though you get paid for it. He said people come to me all the time and say I enjoy writing and I am like it is so hard to write even a page. There is a difference when you do something for fun and you do something for work. No one likes to work, if you tell people you will get a free salary, then no one will work, even if they love doing it, they will stay at home and laze around.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Well, then your opinion is yours, my opinion is mine.”
“I think we have become very capitalistic in our thinking; everything has to be productive and should be done for something. Let us just do somethings for fun. You don’t have to make everything your side hustle”
“Okay, Okay, fine.”
“No, No, let us talk about it, how can you be so judgmental when you yourself sold your dreams.”
“Err, what?”
“You sold your dreams.”
“I didn’t sell my dreams.”
“You did.”
“When did I do that?”
“Didn’t you want to be a veterinarian?”
“Oh, that, I was supposed to take over my dad’s business, I am the only child.”
“So?”
“Well, I negotiated it with him, he promised to buy me a pet dog, a cat and a parrot in return.”
“So your dream had a price.”
“My parents wanted me to get a business degree, they wouldn’t let me do veterinary science.”
“Hence, you put a price.”
“It was the best deal I would get, my parents are rich, they can afford it, it was just the way it was. They wanted me to get a business degree otherwise they would have hated me. They would have never funded my veterinarian degree, so it was the only option. You have an opportunity to pursue the thing you love, I wasn’t lucky. That is why I envy you. And to answer your question, yes, all our dreams have a price, a price you have to pay either to achieve them or to give them up.”
“They do, right...I am sorry if I hurt you, I didn’t mean to be harsh with my questions.”
“No, no, it is okay, I shouldn’t have pushed you too. Keep work and hobbies separate. It is in a way good only. After all who am I to judge? To each his own.”
“Yeah, to each his own. Who are we to belittle others, their dreams, their struggles, we don’t even know the turmoils of their minds.”
“You can also try your hand at poetry, I think you have a flair for that.”
“Oh, come on, dance is enough for me, now off you go, let me get back to my office project!”
The convincing power
“Oh, this is an interesting take!”, She thought, “The third topic hits close to heart, I will write a hell of a piece on it”
The creative writing competition of the college youth festival always had interesting story/poetry plot ideas. The best piece won the prize and was published in the yearbook. Hers had been published last year.
Scrawled on the blackboard were the instructions and the three topics.
"Be the next Rowling or the next Dickinson – write your prose or poetry, a haiku or a terribly tiny tale, prose-poetry or a script, just let that creativity out of the following topics:
1. Meeting God and discussing the pandemic.
2. Colonizing Mars and meeting alien life.
3. The mind versus the Brain.
4. Your choice, being born as a peasant or an aristocrat in France."
“Third one it is, in prose-poetry style” and with that thought, she started writing.
The heart wants what it wants.
It doesn’t like reasoning. It just keeps reminding,
until you shush it and tell it to focus.
Then it quiets down and in your most unsuspecting moments,
It screams, yet again, however a little subdued this time,
I don’t even want to do this…I want to...
But then the mind jumps in, with its damage control charade,
Why am I thinking about this again?
The mind reasons and cajoles
This is what I am supposed to do
This is what I am good at
This is what pays
This is what earns respect
This is what earns the approval of your loved ones
But the heart wants what it wants
So it battles,
This is what I love
This is what I want to do
This is what drives me
This is what matters to me,
I tried to think I like other things but this is what I want
Oh please, the mind sneers, that is what you think
If you wanted to do it that much,
Then why did you watch that TV series last night?
Shouldn’t you be honing your craft?
You are lazy, you are looking for excuses, to procrastinate
You are a coward, why didn’t you stand up for yourself earlier
The heart hurt from the sharp words,
Tries to come back with a retort
I agree and accept, I haven’t been perfect,
I thought I will convince myself,
Alas, I have been wrong,
Maybe I listened to you too much about what is what and the ways of the world
Maybe I should have done this and that
Maybe I should not have done this and that
But what is done is done and even if I fail, I want to try it just once
I have worried a lot about judgment,
Maybe I am a coward
But I am what I am and I want what I want
The world and its ways are strange
They tell you to dream and then when you do,
They clarify what your dream should be
I would rather try and fail, then to never have given myself a chance
Even if it hurts a lot
I accept and forgive myself for the past
And I stand up for myself now
The mind aches and growls,
All those are lofty words
Life is realistic and practical
Come out of your disillusioned world
The heart pumps harder and gripes,
That is because you think so
Change your thoughts and you change your world
If you believe life is magical, so will it be
If you gave your dreams a chance, only then someone else will
Instead of being my enemy, be my friend
Instead of believing why it will not work, believe it will
And who knows maybe it will all work out!
Why is this so hard, the mind wonders,
The last time, the heart agreed that this is what it is supposed to do
It didn’t put up a fight
Should I just agree, for this one time?
See what happens?
It sounds so convincing…
What am I even thinking, the mind snaps back alarmed,
The human tosses and turns, it is three a.m.
The internal conflict is like a never-ending chatter,
Maybe it is true, we have to battle our inner demons first,
Before anything else, convince ourselves first,
For we have the power over ourselves,
To be our own best friends and our own worst enemies,
Only if we want to be,
Nonetheless, we should give our hearts a chance,
Because for the monkey mind there is meditation,
As for the heart, it just keeps beating on,
And only if you pause for a moment and listen closely,
You can hear it.
That year her piece didn’t get to see the yearbook. Nevertheless, the whole experience had been cathartic.
The gifted one
“Your child is exceptionally brilliant Mrs. Subramaniam. An IQ of 150, he is so smart, I am glad you agreed to this test”
Mrs. Subramaniam couldn’t wait to tell her husband as she clasped the hand of her 8-year-old son. A prodigy. The Lord had truly blessed her with an exceptional child! She knew her child was smart, she wasn’t dumb. He had shown signs of brilliance from an early age, always ahead in math and science from his peers. A little had been her part too, by telling wonderful stories about science and math had been her way of getting the boy interested in those subjects. Her husband and her, both exceptional scientists, had ensured that they keep the boy interested with stories of men and women in science in order to cultivate his interest right from the very beginning. And it had worked. He used to be fascinated by science, always curious, breaking things apart to know how it worked.
The dinner was a pompous affair that night.
Anirudh didn’t even know what was so great. All he had given was a test.
But he was happy when his father and mother cooed over him and gave him ice-cream. They were his world after all.
All was well until he was 10. He already was 2 grades above his peers due to his exceptional intelligence. His parents had been busy a little nowadays. Therefore, he kept himself busy in books. The library was a great place, his parents had brought him a subscription when he was 3. Today he was visiting all alone. Mostly his mother accompanied him.
“Oh, hello there cutie, how can I help you?” A new voice startled him out of his thoughts.
“Hi,” he said shyly, glancing up at the brunette, “Where is Miss. Ama, the librarian?”, He asked.
“Oh dear, she is on a leave, so I am the one in charge now, how about I show you a couple of books for your age, what genre do you prefer?”
“Err, my mom mostly picks science books and encyclopedias for me.”
“Oh, how about I pick something different for you, here, read this.” The brunette said handing him a book.
“The hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy?”
“Yeah, it’s a sci-fi novel.”
“Ok…I will read and it.”
And oh boy, he did read that and many more. Fate works in mysterious ways, a moment, a magical moment, a chance meeting, a gut feeling, which changes the course of your future. From there it was no going back, sci-fi was just the start. He read everything, a brilliant mind as his could finish a book in mere hours and he spent all his time reading or you could say devouring fiction.
By the time high school got over, Anirudh had read everything. His reading list was legit impressive. He read everyone from Ray Bradbury to Murakami, from Shakespeare to Rowling, from Herman Hesse to Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
When college time came hopping in through the door, with good grades, an analytical mind, a flair for science, the natural choice was taking up STEM-based courses. Anything less than that would be an insult to his IQ of 150 that he was blessed with. His teachers always felt that the boy would go on to invent or discover something, after all his parents were also exceptional scientists, even though they were immigrants. Smart people were always welcome.
Naturally, everyone was in for a shock when Anirudh decided to put an application for literature and psychology.
His parents were befuddled. His teachers were bewildered.
The dinner was a quiet affair that night.
Anirudh didn’t even know what he had done wrong. All he had done was announce that he wanted to pursue literature and psychology.
Mrs. Subramaniam was inconsolable. Somewhere she knew she was being irrational, but she couldn’t help it. Her only son. The apple of her eyes. For whom she had done everything. Showered him with all her love. She had even read parenting books before he was born, to be the perfect parent. She had always encouraged him. That was what the parenting books had told her to do. Encourage your kid's interests, tell them that you love them, and approve of them no matter what they do. Make them comfortable around you. All children all full of confidence, talent, and brilliance. It is the adults who break them, instill small self-doubts which ebbs away their carefree attitude, their positive personalities and clouds their view of the world. The self-doubt makes them hunger for approval.
Mrs. Subramaniam had made up her mind. She was going to support her child. She wasn’t sure how or what to do. But she wouldn’t break him by her disapproval. Truly unscathed are the children whose parents love and support them no matter what.
And she had been true to her words.
The valedictorian’s speech crediting his mother for his Ph.D. had proved it.
The self-belief
The office was empty. In the lone corner cubicle, a silhouette was spotted, the dim LED light just added to the aura. The corner cubicle symbolized achievement. In an open office culture, a corner cubicle meant you were either good enough or you were at a higher designation. Media companies had their weird ways of rewarding their employees.
Inspiration was easy to come by in the corner cubicle always. But inspiration eluded her today. Her ideas had always been applauded causing her to rise steadily through the ranks. She had been the best until the new guy arrived. He seemed to be better than her in almost everything. How do you deal with that now? In media, the most creative got the promotion and the corner cubicle. She obviously had to be the best.
“Not leaving?” A baritone voice startled her out of her thoughts.
She turned behind. Her mortal enemy. She put on a fake smile.
“Just leaving in 10 minutes.”
“Ok, I just wanted to let you know that I saw your advertising work on that FMCG company, you are quite good you know.”
“What?” She was startled. The new guy thinks she is better. He must be legit crazy.
“I said your ideas are quite good.”
“Umm, yeah, thanks,” and out of common courtesy she tacked on, “your work is also amazing, I have gone through it, your jingles are visuals are top-notch.”
“Thanks bro!”, he grinned.
“No problem.”
“Ok, see you later, I am going home.”
“Yeah, have a great night!”
Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all, she thought. Maybe everyone feels at some point that they are not good enough. It is like that in creative fields. But the point is just because Leonardo Da Vinci was amazing, it doesn’t mean that the other painters after him were like we cannot compete with this guy, so let us just give up already. I am great at what I do, yeah, that is what I should tell myself. One thing doesn’t work out and I go all out berating myself. I should be more positive in life. She smiled to herself, maybe it wasn’t a bad day after all.
Besides he had a cute smile.
A little self-belief does go a long way in the dream world.
I hav no clue who you are...n me a total stranger tells you without bias that u hav the flair to tell a story...keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi!!
DeleteThanks a lot for your kind words!! Means a lot to me!!
I am glad you enjoyed reading! Do share it with your friends too!!
Great job Lakshmy!!
ReplyDeleteThanks a Lot!
DeleteGlory awaits for those who "do". Keep doing Lakshmy.The world awaits for you to conquer.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for your motivational words!!
DeleteYou really have good skills to write a story. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!!
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